Tonight I sat in my office and took in one of my favorite sights: the glow of a Christmas tree in a dark room. This year instead of cutting one down, we got our Christmas tree out of a box from Target. I have to admit it was pretty nice to stand it up without needles getting everywhere, and have the lights already on the tree. I put some pine-tree scented wax into my Scentsy warmer to trick my brain into thinking the tree was real.
I couldn't help but wonder tonight, as I sat in my empty office, where my sense of wonder had gone. I remember as a little girl loving the glowing tree so much that I would sleep on the hard ground in the living room just to be near it. Now, as I looked at the tree I thought about how much work it would be to put it away later.
I find myself, with a growing little child inside of me, wondering how Mary must have felt as she carried Jesus inside of her. I have felt completely debilitated over the last week. Between constant nausea and fatigue, even the most mundane tasks have been daunting. On top of the usual pregnancy symptoms, Mary was a young girl claiming she was pregnant, but a virgin - I can't imagine that being easy. I wonder how she felt when news came that they would have to travel to Bethlehem - by donkey - we're not talking first class, cozy airline seats here.
In all my wondering it occurs to me that life back then may not have been all that different from the way it is now. Mary still felt pain. She still dealt with inconvenience and discomfort. She faced rejection, possible death, shame and her life being turned upside-down. And this is how she responds:
And Mary said,
I'm bursting with God-news;
I'm dancing the song of my Savior God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened—
I'm the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him.
He bared his arm and showed his strength,
scattered the bluffing braggarts.
He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
pulled victims out of the mud.
The starving poor sat down to a banquet;
the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel;
he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
It's exactly what he promised,
beginning with Abraham and right up to now.
Luke 1:46-55 The Message
Hmmm. I'm reading this thinking I could use a little attitude re-focus. I pray for a childlike sense of wonder this Christmas - to remember that Jesus came to the world for imperfect people, like me. We celebrate His birth as the best gift we ever received. That should be enough good news to get through any tough day.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Night of Endless Vomit (Oh no, she didn't!)
I witnessed a dad tonight who deserved a medal. I was sitting in Starbucks with my laptop when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw his 3 or 4 year old daughter start to throw up all over the floor. He calmly came to her side, tried to comfort her and then walked up to the counter and asked for a mop.
The girls that work at this particular Starbucks happen to think that anyone who walks in to their store is seriously interrupting their opportunities to catch up on "so-and-so did such-and-such with what's-his-face the other night - OMG" - and this scenario was no exception. They were right in the middle of a juicy story when the barfing went down. They didn't even attempt to help him clean up, or offer any shred of sympathy.
On my way home, I was reflecting on how much parenting requires of us. I opened the garage door, walked into my house and was greeted by an awful stench. Vomit appearance #2 of the night.
Our dog was in his kennel surrounded by barf. All over his bed. All over the floor. All over his blanket. I cleaned up the bed, cleaned up the kennel, only to discover that it was all over his fur too. I hauled him upstairs to throw him in the tub. I finally had everything cleaned, dinner started, and the laundry going when I heard him start to gag again. I yelled. He ran. Vomit followed.
I called Adam for help, and to make him feel bad that he was at work missing out on all this excitement. As I was cleaning up vomit appearance #3, I heard Joren down the hallway say "Mom, I accidentally pooped a little". The timing was incredible.
I spent the rest of the evening scrubbing floors, children's butts, doing laundry, dishes, and trying not to yell at the dog anymore. I could see him cower every time I got close.
As I was covering every surface with bleach spray or Resolve, a Steven Curtis Chapman popped into my head that is based on Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Can it be possible? Can cleaning up vomit be an act of worship? I realized in that moment that I could CHOOSE to be joyful, find some humor in the situation, and open my heart to what God was teaching me. Could I use a little more patience? Yep. Point taken.
This is a great video and a fantastic way to start the week. "Do everything you do to the glory of the one who made you!'
The girls that work at this particular Starbucks happen to think that anyone who walks in to their store is seriously interrupting their opportunities to catch up on "so-and-so did such-and-such with what's-his-face the other night - OMG" - and this scenario was no exception. They were right in the middle of a juicy story when the barfing went down. They didn't even attempt to help him clean up, or offer any shred of sympathy.
On my way home, I was reflecting on how much parenting requires of us. I opened the garage door, walked into my house and was greeted by an awful stench. Vomit appearance #2 of the night.
Our dog was in his kennel surrounded by barf. All over his bed. All over the floor. All over his blanket. I cleaned up the bed, cleaned up the kennel, only to discover that it was all over his fur too. I hauled him upstairs to throw him in the tub. I finally had everything cleaned, dinner started, and the laundry going when I heard him start to gag again. I yelled. He ran. Vomit followed.
I called Adam for help, and to make him feel bad that he was at work missing out on all this excitement. As I was cleaning up vomit appearance #3, I heard Joren down the hallway say "Mom, I accidentally pooped a little". The timing was incredible.
I spent the rest of the evening scrubbing floors, children's butts, doing laundry, dishes, and trying not to yell at the dog anymore. I could see him cower every time I got close.
As I was covering every surface with bleach spray or Resolve, a Steven Curtis Chapman popped into my head that is based on Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Can it be possible? Can cleaning up vomit be an act of worship? I realized in that moment that I could CHOOSE to be joyful, find some humor in the situation, and open my heart to what God was teaching me. Could I use a little more patience? Yep. Point taken.
This is a great video and a fantastic way to start the week. "Do everything you do to the glory of the one who made you!'
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Bible's Next Top Model...?
Last week I was at the gym when a woman looked at me and said:
"You always look cute. I hate you."
I was slightly offended. Call me crazy, but I actually don't like it when people hate me. Now, I realize she may not actually hate me, but the feeling also wasn't warm and kind. What is it with us women that we think everything is a contest and we want to trip all the other girls running alongside us?
This week I've been working on a Bible study on Esther by Beth Moore. It's not your typical Bible study. Let's just say this book of the Bible could be set in modern-day America and make an excellent soap opera. There are wild parties, banished queens, a beauty contest, harems, plots to assassinate the king - and that's only in the first two chapters! I was having so much fun working on my homework that I sat for two hours and did all five days of work in one sitting. I imagine that part of that motivation was due to the fact that the topic really hits home with me: this week all centered around beauty treatments.
Did you know that Esther was basically picked by the king in an ancient version of "The Bachelor". Yep, king Xerxes sent scouts looking all over Persia for the prettiest girls. They were then brought to the palace for a year's worth of beauty treatments. A WHOLE YEAR! Maybe that sounds fun to you, but I also learned that the girls who weren't chosen to be queen joined the king's harem where they would sit their whole lives unless the king called for them by name. Talk about some pressure! Either look good, or spend your life competing with a group of other women for one man's attention! No thanks.
I spent some time thinking about how I would handle a situation like the one Esther was in. The Bible says that all these "Bachelor candidates" had anything they wanted at their disposal. I'm talking spray tans, gel nails, the most expensive make-up, jewelry from Tiffany's, anything you wanted off the rack at Nordstrom's...whatever that ancient equivalent was, of course. The odd thing is, Esther asked for nothing. Here is an excerpt from my study:
"The girls could request any extravagance to make themselves more appealing, but Esther asked for nothing. Esther does not reject all beauty aids, but only avoids asking for more than she is offered. Her virtue is not abstinence from heathen luxuries but self-effacing receptivity and passivity. Somehow I'm relieved. Please tell me I can still be a godly woman who can walk acceptably before her exalted King without abstaining from some well-earned beauty aids! The point is not that Esther abstained, but rather was restrained."
Just in case you got lost in that paragraph, what it says it that Esther didn't make herself plain - but she didn't look like Snookie either.
I'm not sure if I had to stand before a king that I would have the confidence to restrain myself from doing everything possible to look better. Esther really makes herself stand out by doing so. The Bible says she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" (Est. 2:15). Beth Moore says "Brace yourself for a shock: that included the other women! You and I both know that a rare woman indeed is beautiful from a male perspective and favored by other women."
I've really been trying to think of what makes a woman attractive to men, yet liked by other women. I can think of a few women I know that are certainly beautiful, but never make me feel like I'm not. It all comes from the inside: they are kind, warm, friendly, and secure. Not perfect, but healthy. Attractive, but not showy. Eye-catching, but not attention-stealing. That's the kind of woman I want to be.
Obviously, the woman I saw at the gym wasn't a friend of mine. Most of my friends know I'd give them a good jab-cross combo to the boob if they told me they hated me. Plus, my friends also know that I wake up with scary hair, breakouts, and wish I didn't have love handles and jock thighs on some days. I'm thankful we have make-up, and I'm even more thankful to know that having inner beauty can be a force capable of capturing even the attention of a king. I don't need to attract myself a king, but I love finding ancient stories that have principles for modern-day life. Where can I exercise restraint in my life, and how can I work on being a woman that is favored by other women? I'm inspired to find out...
"You always look cute. I hate you."
I was slightly offended. Call me crazy, but I actually don't like it when people hate me. Now, I realize she may not actually hate me, but the feeling also wasn't warm and kind. What is it with us women that we think everything is a contest and we want to trip all the other girls running alongside us?
This week I've been working on a Bible study on Esther by Beth Moore. It's not your typical Bible study. Let's just say this book of the Bible could be set in modern-day America and make an excellent soap opera. There are wild parties, banished queens, a beauty contest, harems, plots to assassinate the king - and that's only in the first two chapters! I was having so much fun working on my homework that I sat for two hours and did all five days of work in one sitting. I imagine that part of that motivation was due to the fact that the topic really hits home with me: this week all centered around beauty treatments.
Did you know that Esther was basically picked by the king in an ancient version of "The Bachelor". Yep, king Xerxes sent scouts looking all over Persia for the prettiest girls. They were then brought to the palace for a year's worth of beauty treatments. A WHOLE YEAR! Maybe that sounds fun to you, but I also learned that the girls who weren't chosen to be queen joined the king's harem where they would sit their whole lives unless the king called for them by name. Talk about some pressure! Either look good, or spend your life competing with a group of other women for one man's attention! No thanks.
I spent some time thinking about how I would handle a situation like the one Esther was in. The Bible says that all these "Bachelor candidates" had anything they wanted at their disposal. I'm talking spray tans, gel nails, the most expensive make-up, jewelry from Tiffany's, anything you wanted off the rack at Nordstrom's...whatever that ancient equivalent was, of course. The odd thing is, Esther asked for nothing. Here is an excerpt from my study:
"The girls could request any extravagance to make themselves more appealing, but Esther asked for nothing. Esther does not reject all beauty aids, but only avoids asking for more than she is offered. Her virtue is not abstinence from heathen luxuries but self-effacing receptivity and passivity. Somehow I'm relieved. Please tell me I can still be a godly woman who can walk acceptably before her exalted King without abstaining from some well-earned beauty aids! The point is not that Esther abstained, but rather was restrained."
Just in case you got lost in that paragraph, what it says it that Esther didn't make herself plain - but she didn't look like Snookie either.
I'm not sure if I had to stand before a king that I would have the confidence to restrain myself from doing everything possible to look better. Esther really makes herself stand out by doing so. The Bible says she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" (Est. 2:15). Beth Moore says "Brace yourself for a shock: that included the other women! You and I both know that a rare woman indeed is beautiful from a male perspective and favored by other women."
I've really been trying to think of what makes a woman attractive to men, yet liked by other women. I can think of a few women I know that are certainly beautiful, but never make me feel like I'm not. It all comes from the inside: they are kind, warm, friendly, and secure. Not perfect, but healthy. Attractive, but not showy. Eye-catching, but not attention-stealing. That's the kind of woman I want to be.
Obviously, the woman I saw at the gym wasn't a friend of mine. Most of my friends know I'd give them a good jab-cross combo to the boob if they told me they hated me. Plus, my friends also know that I wake up with scary hair, breakouts, and wish I didn't have love handles and jock thighs on some days. I'm thankful we have make-up, and I'm even more thankful to know that having inner beauty can be a force capable of capturing even the attention of a king. I don't need to attract myself a king, but I love finding ancient stories that have principles for modern-day life. Where can I exercise restraint in my life, and how can I work on being a woman that is favored by other women? I'm inspired to find out...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Work Minus Motivation = Monday?
I really don't feel like writing tonight.What I feel like doing is grabbing a key lime pie martini & sitting in a bubble bath.
Don't you love doing things when you lack motivation? How many times have you been to the gym where you were far more interested in making conversation with people than getting on the treadmill? How about preparing dinner after a long day - "Yep. Taco Bell it is." Maybe you've had to sit at work late and miss out on being somewhere you really wanted to be. Regardless of the reason, mustering up motivation when it's AWOL isn't an easy task!
I found an article in Women's Health magazine that provided some fantastic points for time-management - which doesn't magically provide motivation - but it was just what I needed as Monday rolls around and I have a stack of things on my desk a mile high. Even when you lack motivation, I think it's easier to tackle something with a plan.
1. LOG OFF FACEBOOK - Women's Health says that "people average seven hours a month on the social site." Seven hours a month? That has to be accounting for people like my grandpa and brother who get on once every two months - I'm willing to bet it's even higher than that for many people. I made it a new goal not to dink around on Facebook unless I had already had some quiet time & gotten in a workout for the day.
2. SAY NO! - I am terrible at this. As soon as the word "yes" has escaped my mouth, I wonder why I have agreed to something I know I don't have time for! Exercise your "no muscle"!
3. PLAN YOUR DAY - "Schedule your biggest task of the day for when you're most focused and productive. You'll get it done more quickly than if you try to tackle it during a natural low point."(For example, two in the afternoon - I can do nothing productive at 2pm unless someone gives me a red bull and some candy!)
4. PUT IT IN INK - "You find time for everything on your calendar because it's there in black & white." Block out time for things like workouts & quiet time like you would for any other appointments.
5. SET A TIMER - Set a kitchen timer for tasks that tend to eat up more time than they need to - like surfing the internet or sorting through old pictures - and when the timer goes off, stop!
6. TOUCH IT ONCE - "When a paper comes across your desk or an email hits your inbox, deal with it right away. Piled-up paper and messages create distracting clutter, and you waste time revisiting each issue again (and again)."
7. GET UP 15 MINUTES EARLIER - Ugh. Seriously? "The most nocturnal of night owls can roll out of the sack just 15 minutes earlier. Even if you don't use that extra time for your workout (or quiet time) you'll get to the office sooner than usual, so you'll be more likely to take that 15 minutes for yourself later in the day."
Those were just a few of my favorite points, but I'm glad to have some tools headed into the workweek that will help me be more productive, balanced and focused. Maybe I'll even make it through a few days with only ONE latte!
Now, for that bubble bath...
Don't you love doing things when you lack motivation? How many times have you been to the gym where you were far more interested in making conversation with people than getting on the treadmill? How about preparing dinner after a long day - "Yep. Taco Bell it is." Maybe you've had to sit at work late and miss out on being somewhere you really wanted to be. Regardless of the reason, mustering up motivation when it's AWOL isn't an easy task!
I found an article in Women's Health magazine that provided some fantastic points for time-management - which doesn't magically provide motivation - but it was just what I needed as Monday rolls around and I have a stack of things on my desk a mile high. Even when you lack motivation, I think it's easier to tackle something with a plan.
1. LOG OFF FACEBOOK - Women's Health says that "people average seven hours a month on the social site." Seven hours a month? That has to be accounting for people like my grandpa and brother who get on once every two months - I'm willing to bet it's even higher than that for many people. I made it a new goal not to dink around on Facebook unless I had already had some quiet time & gotten in a workout for the day.
2. SAY NO! - I am terrible at this. As soon as the word "yes" has escaped my mouth, I wonder why I have agreed to something I know I don't have time for! Exercise your "no muscle"!
3. PLAN YOUR DAY - "Schedule your biggest task of the day for when you're most focused and productive. You'll get it done more quickly than if you try to tackle it during a natural low point."(For example, two in the afternoon - I can do nothing productive at 2pm unless someone gives me a red bull and some candy!)
4. PUT IT IN INK - "You find time for everything on your calendar because it's there in black & white." Block out time for things like workouts & quiet time like you would for any other appointments.
5. SET A TIMER - Set a kitchen timer for tasks that tend to eat up more time than they need to - like surfing the internet or sorting through old pictures - and when the timer goes off, stop!
6. TOUCH IT ONCE - "When a paper comes across your desk or an email hits your inbox, deal with it right away. Piled-up paper and messages create distracting clutter, and you waste time revisiting each issue again (and again)."
7. GET UP 15 MINUTES EARLIER - Ugh. Seriously? "The most nocturnal of night owls can roll out of the sack just 15 minutes earlier. Even if you don't use that extra time for your workout (or quiet time) you'll get to the office sooner than usual, so you'll be more likely to take that 15 minutes for yourself later in the day."
Those were just a few of my favorite points, but I'm glad to have some tools headed into the workweek that will help me be more productive, balanced and focused. Maybe I'll even make it through a few days with only ONE latte!
Now, for that bubble bath...
Sunday, October 9, 2011
A loss for words....
Okay, first of all, I have to say that I am really getting sick of talking about workout clothes. I mean, seriously, where's the creativity? Trust me when I say that I am sick of thinking about it! I had a little pep-talk with myself to hurry up & figure out what God was trying to teach me, so we could all move on...
I started this post a week ago, but found myself struggling to finish it. As anxious as I was to move past this, I was trying to resist slapping some frequently-quoted-Bible-verse-bandaid to the end and really wrestle with what was going on. Hang with me here for a minute, and we'll pick up at the end where I left off:
...............
Have you ever been on a crash diet?
I have. In our society, we want easy results, and we want them fast. Crash diets typically go something like this: drink 2 shakes a day, and then have one of our amazingly tiny bars that really don't fill you up at all, and you will lose 5 pounds in 7 days! What?! You mean if I drastically cut my calorie intake, I will lose weight? You're kidding...
It doesn't take a brain surgeon to find the flaw here: as soon as you go back to eating in your pre-crash diet fashion, you will gain all the weight back. Why? Because you haven't fixed the problem - poor eating habits - you've just temporarily changed your behavior.
I had an epiphany today.
It seemed like a fantastic idea to make a commitment to quit shopping for a couple of months. My hope was that if I just forced myself to have a little self-control, the satisfied heart would follow. In the same way that a crash diet might help you lose weight, but not affect lasting change, I realized that temporarily changing my behavior in regards to shopping wouldn't fix the root problem - having a unsatisfied heart.
Paul lays the smack-down on the Colossians:
“Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Paul is saying, in effect, "Why are you making all these rules about things that don't last? You think it makes you look good, but it really isn't working to restrain you from indulging."
So what does restrain me from indulging?
..............
And that's where I left off - with a question - rolling around in my brain for 2 weeks. What does restrain me from indulging, and also, why do I want to?
Like most moms, my life is jam-packed with lots of good things: work, playdates, coffee with friends, Bible studies, church commitments, life group, exercising, spending time with my husband, etc. You know the drill. Sometimes I just hit the wall, and get completely worn out - know what I mean? I was having a particularly challenging day when the words of a song came to my mind.
"You, oh Lord, You are my hiding place."
Doesn't a hiding place sound amazing? Somewhere no one can find you, no one needs anything and you can find peace and quiet?
If you're wondering how this relates to workout clothes, that's good. I was too.
It finally occurred to me this week that I was trying to use online retail-therapy to hide. I knew there was nothing wrong with shopping, but I also knew I was spending too much time and energy there.
Have you ever felt like pond scum? I mean, like, want-to-crawl-into-a-hole-foolish? That's how I felt after watching this video on You Tube. What a waste of energy to hide in something so frivolous! I'm thankful the message of this song brings me back to what I need to hear when I feel like hiding: HE LOVES US! OH HOW HE LOVES US!
Do you know what Jesus did to give us a hiding place, safe in God's presence? Maybe you're like me and just need to be reminded:
Life does get hard sometimes. It really does. But Jesus paid the price, so that we don't have to do it alone. And on those days we feel like hiding, he's waiting, because he loves us - oh how he loves us!
I started this post a week ago, but found myself struggling to finish it. As anxious as I was to move past this, I was trying to resist slapping some frequently-quoted-Bible-verse-bandaid to the end and really wrestle with what was going on. Hang with me here for a minute, and we'll pick up at the end where I left off:
...............
Have you ever been on a crash diet?
I have. In our society, we want easy results, and we want them fast. Crash diets typically go something like this: drink 2 shakes a day, and then have one of our amazingly tiny bars that really don't fill you up at all, and you will lose 5 pounds in 7 days! What?! You mean if I drastically cut my calorie intake, I will lose weight? You're kidding...
It doesn't take a brain surgeon to find the flaw here: as soon as you go back to eating in your pre-crash diet fashion, you will gain all the weight back. Why? Because you haven't fixed the problem - poor eating habits - you've just temporarily changed your behavior.
I had an epiphany today.
It seemed like a fantastic idea to make a commitment to quit shopping for a couple of months. My hope was that if I just forced myself to have a little self-control, the satisfied heart would follow. In the same way that a crash diet might help you lose weight, but not affect lasting change, I realized that temporarily changing my behavior in regards to shopping wouldn't fix the root problem - having a unsatisfied heart.
Paul lays the smack-down on the Colossians:
“Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Paul is saying, in effect, "Why are you making all these rules about things that don't last? You think it makes you look good, but it really isn't working to restrain you from indulging."
So what does restrain me from indulging?
..............
And that's where I left off - with a question - rolling around in my brain for 2 weeks. What does restrain me from indulging, and also, why do I want to?
Like most moms, my life is jam-packed with lots of good things: work, playdates, coffee with friends, Bible studies, church commitments, life group, exercising, spending time with my husband, etc. You know the drill. Sometimes I just hit the wall, and get completely worn out - know what I mean? I was having a particularly challenging day when the words of a song came to my mind.
"You, oh Lord, You are my hiding place."
Doesn't a hiding place sound amazing? Somewhere no one can find you, no one needs anything and you can find peace and quiet?
If you're wondering how this relates to workout clothes, that's good. I was too.
It finally occurred to me this week that I was trying to use online retail-therapy to hide. I knew there was nothing wrong with shopping, but I also knew I was spending too much time and energy there.
Have you ever felt like pond scum? I mean, like, want-to-crawl-into-a-hole-foolish? That's how I felt after watching this video on You Tube. What a waste of energy to hide in something so frivolous! I'm thankful the message of this song brings me back to what I need to hear when I feel like hiding: HE LOVES US! OH HOW HE LOVES US!
Do you know what Jesus did to give us a hiding place, safe in God's presence? Maybe you're like me and just need to be reminded:
Life does get hard sometimes. It really does. But Jesus paid the price, so that we don't have to do it alone. And on those days we feel like hiding, he's waiting, because he loves us - oh how he loves us!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Spirit is Willing - The Flesh is Pitifully WEAK!
It happened already. I almost caved.
It is SO much easier to make commitments than it is to keep them! This morning, I got an email listing items for sale at the aforementioned store I seem to want everything from (my husband says I should quit giving them free advertising, hence the generic reference). I was trying to think of EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE excuse for why I should get to buy something, such as: "I could buy it for my birthday and just leave it in the bag until then" or "My business had a great month - it could be like a self-issued bonus!". I even tried to get my best friend and my husband to give me an excuse to be off the hook. I'm so thankful for friends and a husband that are here to remind me why I made the commitment in the first place.
Recently, a woman who is a mentor in my life, sent me this email in regards to the choices I make:
"We can't change anything about the past, but the daily choices we make and habits we form greatly influence our future and that's what we have the ability to control. Pressing heavenward in Christ is where our focus should lie, and any time you start to feel distracted from that goal, try to stop at the soonest chance to get alone with the Lord and the Bible and ask Him to help you listen to what He is telling you."
Those words have been echoing in my mind all week - try to stop at the soonest chance to get alone with the Lord & ask for HELP!
I came running home from my morning meetings to sit alone at my desk and listen to this song:
It's still a process. I'm learning. :-)
It is SO much easier to make commitments than it is to keep them! This morning, I got an email listing items for sale at the aforementioned store I seem to want everything from (my husband says I should quit giving them free advertising, hence the generic reference). I was trying to think of EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE excuse for why I should get to buy something, such as: "I could buy it for my birthday and just leave it in the bag until then" or "My business had a great month - it could be like a self-issued bonus!". I even tried to get my best friend and my husband to give me an excuse to be off the hook. I'm so thankful for friends and a husband that are here to remind me why I made the commitment in the first place.
Recently, a woman who is a mentor in my life, sent me this email in regards to the choices I make:
"We can't change anything about the past, but the daily choices we make and habits we form greatly influence our future and that's what we have the ability to control. Pressing heavenward in Christ is where our focus should lie, and any time you start to feel distracted from that goal, try to stop at the soonest chance to get alone with the Lord and the Bible and ask Him to help you listen to what He is telling you."
Those words have been echoing in my mind all week - try to stop at the soonest chance to get alone with the Lord & ask for HELP!
I came running home from my morning meetings to sit alone at my desk and listen to this song:
It's still a process. I'm learning. :-)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The battle to find contentment continues...
This week I signed myself up for the all-women's Diva Day 5k. Participants are encouraged to put teams together and dress up for fun. Our team decided to go with an 80s theme and call ourselves the "Fast Fondas". I purchased a hideous purple leotard with geometric print, leg warmers and a cropped t-shirt that hangs off one shoulder.
In true 80s fashion, the leg openings of my leotard come all the way up to my bellybutton. I laughed at myself in the mirror and wondered who EVER thought this was sexy.
Speaking of workout clothes, as I shared last week, I have been absolutely obsessed with lululemon athletic wear. I really felt like I HAD to have a new outfit from their store. After hours of scouring ebay, and selling two pairs of my old shorts to my next door neighbor, the money was burning a hole in my pocket, so I bought myself a pair of leggings and a new tank top. I checked the mail every day until my new outfit came. When it did, I put it on immediately and wore it around the house all day. Later, when I actually went to the gym, I beamed with pride as a woman recognized the brand of top I was wearing and complimented me on how cute it looked. Not even an hour later, I saw a friend of mine on the way out of the gym. She had a really cute outfit on. It was lulu. I completely felt like a spoiled toddler mentally stomping my feet and thinking "I want it! I want that one too!"
All week as I struggled through wanting something I knew I didn't really NEED, I kept waiting for God to intervene and magically change my heart. It never happened. Instead, he let me have what I wanted - after all, I was pretty bound and determined to get it. It wasn't until I had what I wanted that I realized I wasn't even satisfied. It didn't make me any happier. It didn't really change anything. I felt foolish as I looked at my purple 80s leotard. 30 years ago, someone probably really wanted that leotard. She probably wore it proudly to the gym - butt cheeks hanging out everywhere - and felt really cool. Now, its value is pretty insignificant.
The problem is definitely not the workout clothes - it's my heart. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting new clothes. The problem comes when you think that some thing - a new outfit, a new job, better pay, a different spouse, different circumstances - will make you happier; it might for a little while, but there are always more outfits, better jobs with higher pay, and people that seem to have it made. Paul says in 1 Timothy that if we have shoes on our feet and bread on the table, that's enough. I looked at those verses in 20 different versions, and I couldn't find any of them that said that you needed cute workout clothes too. Shoot.
I'm really kind of embarrassed that I'm even having this struggle. A year ago, I gave up lattes to support a little boy in Uganda, who needs help just to keep food on the table. I learned so much from that small amount of sacrifice. I think it's time to make another commitment, and do it publicly so I have some accountability. For the next two months - until my birthday in November - I am not going to buy any new clothes, shoes or accessories. I'm having a small heart attack thinking about how hard this will be for me (which may seem ridiculous to some people - except my husband who will probably get up and dance when he reads this). I just want to have a heart that is content, and I know it needs a little work. I'll keep you posted on how it goes...
In true 80s fashion, the leg openings of my leotard come all the way up to my bellybutton. I laughed at myself in the mirror and wondered who EVER thought this was sexy.
Speaking of workout clothes, as I shared last week, I have been absolutely obsessed with lululemon athletic wear. I really felt like I HAD to have a new outfit from their store. After hours of scouring ebay, and selling two pairs of my old shorts to my next door neighbor, the money was burning a hole in my pocket, so I bought myself a pair of leggings and a new tank top. I checked the mail every day until my new outfit came. When it did, I put it on immediately and wore it around the house all day. Later, when I actually went to the gym, I beamed with pride as a woman recognized the brand of top I was wearing and complimented me on how cute it looked. Not even an hour later, I saw a friend of mine on the way out of the gym. She had a really cute outfit on. It was lulu. I completely felt like a spoiled toddler mentally stomping my feet and thinking "I want it! I want that one too!"
All week as I struggled through wanting something I knew I didn't really NEED, I kept waiting for God to intervene and magically change my heart. It never happened. Instead, he let me have what I wanted - after all, I was pretty bound and determined to get it. It wasn't until I had what I wanted that I realized I wasn't even satisfied. It didn't make me any happier. It didn't really change anything. I felt foolish as I looked at my purple 80s leotard. 30 years ago, someone probably really wanted that leotard. She probably wore it proudly to the gym - butt cheeks hanging out everywhere - and felt really cool. Now, its value is pretty insignificant.
The problem is definitely not the workout clothes - it's my heart. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting new clothes. The problem comes when you think that some thing - a new outfit, a new job, better pay, a different spouse, different circumstances - will make you happier; it might for a little while, but there are always more outfits, better jobs with higher pay, and people that seem to have it made. Paul says in 1 Timothy that if we have shoes on our feet and bread on the table, that's enough. I looked at those verses in 20 different versions, and I couldn't find any of them that said that you needed cute workout clothes too. Shoot.
I'm really kind of embarrassed that I'm even having this struggle. A year ago, I gave up lattes to support a little boy in Uganda, who needs help just to keep food on the table. I learned so much from that small amount of sacrifice. I think it's time to make another commitment, and do it publicly so I have some accountability. For the next two months - until my birthday in November - I am not going to buy any new clothes, shoes or accessories. I'm having a small heart attack thinking about how hard this will be for me (which may seem ridiculous to some people - except my husband who will probably get up and dance when he reads this). I just want to have a heart that is content, and I know it needs a little work. I'll keep you posted on how it goes...
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