Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Random Wednesday Thoughts

Most of my life lately seems to be consumed by one of only a few things: either thinking about when this baby is coming (and by thinking about, I mean OBSESSING over - reading pregnancy apps on my phone, re-counting days just to be sure I didn't miss one, wondering if every little pain could be a contraction, hoping that I'm in the less than 10% that deliver early, and planning EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of getting ready to go to the hospital) Hmmm...was there something else that I do during the day? Oh yes, work and family life.

Work has been a major bummer lately. Call me crazy, but I don't feel inspired lately to reconcile anyone's checking account, pay bills or make tax payments (If you are one of my clients reading this - I LOVE working on your file - it's the others I am not inspired by ;-). Don't get me wrong, I still do it - I kinda have to - but Adam is doing most of it, and when I do feel motivated, I'm still not loving it. I don't really think that many of us just get the luxury of getting paid to do only what we absolutely love and are passionate about. Sometimes, we just have to make the most of the opportunities that we have, and be thankful for an income. I get that. I also get that I spent 4 years getting an accounting degree and really, it was my choice. Honestly, I feel like I could have any job in the world right now, and there would be some part of it I didn't want to do. So now what? Well, for one thing, I've been learning that every day there are things that don't seem that exciting. Somewhere between when summer break meant running around in the sprinkler and drinking lemonade and turning 30, it has come to my attention that being an adult means responsibility. Responsibility means everything isn't always fun. The cool thing is, as I learned a few months ago while cleaning up barf (see: The Night of Endless Vomit) that I can still CHOOSE to find things to be thankful for in the midst of my not-having-fun AND it can even be an act of worship.

{Speaking of being responsible, I just realized that it's 9:45 and I was having so much fun re-decorating my blog that I sorta forgot to finish tucking the boys in after telling them they could keep reading until 9. Oops. Ha ha.}

Anyway, when I'm not working or thinking about the baby coming, I'm hanging out with my pretty cool family. It's been really exciting to see the boys growing and learning, and even maturing. Just a couple weeks ago, Tyler was facing some peer pressure to toss his dinner and skip to dessert. Not knowing I was in the other room listening, I heard him tell the other kids "That would be lying". I wanted to run in and hand him a badge, but instead, I just treasured the moment. It's exciting to reap the benefit of building up a moral warehouse in your child's heart. On the flip-side of being encouraged by their maturing, we are also battling the new summer schedule that requires a lot more effort to create structure. It's not too hard for two boys to start bouncing off the walls if they don't have enough to do. Man, I can't wait to have a third in the mix! If anyone wants to plan some playdates with us, the weather is looking good and we're ready!

Every day has its challenges, but the bottom line is: I am thankful. I am so thankful for a husband that leads my family, puts his own needs on the back burner a lot of the time to invest in two stepsons, and really cares a lot about other people. I'm thankful for a free country, great neighbors, food in the fridge, and more than anything, for a God who loves me on my good days, and the days I'd like to have a second shot at.

Speaking of days...the countdown is 28 days to my due date. I'll be singing a children's song for the next 4 weeks "Have patience, have patience. Don't be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember, that God is patient too, and think of all the times when others have to wait for you!"

Come soon July 18th!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Pregnancy Blahs & Beautiful Things

Right now, I have acid reflux burning a hole in my esophagus I'm pretty sure, even though I've eaten 14 tums and some Prilosec today. I also feel like someone is stabbing me with a letter opener where my round ligament connects to some bones down south. So....pretty much, I feel awesome.

My pregnancy is on the final more month to go, and as hard as it's been, I've found that it has been one of the most fantastic opportunities for me to grow (not just around the middle either!).

I find myself thinking most of the time that before I sit down and blog, I have to have some fantastic, inspiring story to share that ends in triumph. (I also find that I just don't think very often lately...pregnancy brain!) Then, I remember that some of my favorite times writing come out of laughing at myself in my imperfections and failures. Speaking of failures, I can think of about a hundred that I have tallied over the last few months.

Self on the Shelf. We live in a society that is all about self. Well, shoot, parenting and being self-centered just don't go together very well, and it starts with pregnancy. First of all, I miss my C cups. I miss being able to sleep at night and go for longer than an hour without having to pee. I miss being able to run. I miss pants with buttons. I miss being able to see anything below my belly button. I miss being able to eat Buffalo chicken salad without catching on fire. But, more than I miss all those things, I am thrilled that the miracle of a life is growing inside of me. It's good practice for dying to self, which God has called us to do. I've been getting lots of practice, lots and lots of practice...

Complaining. Just log on to Facebook for a few minutes, and you should get a good dose of how easy it is for our attitudes to slip into the pit of pity. I am no better. I found myself so frustrated with all the side effects of pregnancy until a devotion and a talk with a friend one day woke me up to what I was doing. I was reading from Joyce Meyer's Devotional Content one day when her words struck me: "Truly thankful people don't have time to complain. They are too busy finding things to be thankful for." The sad thing is, it's really not that hard to find things to be thankful for: on any given day, how about being thankful for the fact that we live in a free country, where we don't have to worry about famine, war or being killed for our beliefs? I know so many people that would do just about anything to take some morning sickness and discomfort to get to be pregnant. It's humbling to think that God gave me this gift, and complaining about a gift is not something I ever want to do.

Patience? What is that? My husband told me at some point when we were dating that he was attracted to how patient I was. Hahahahahahahaha. Then, we got married. He has often questioned how I deceived him so well. In my defense, it's not like I get mad over things I can't control, like traffic jams, but send me a Christmas or birthday present early, and there is no way I'm not opening it. Waiting 9 months for a child to arrive while being reminded on a minute-by-minute basis that it is inside of you is, to me, like placing a giant cookie in front of a child for an entire day & telling them not to eat it every 3 seconds. I have had to make a conscious effort to remind myself that God's timing is perfect and that I can trust Him with the timing of my son's arrival.

The good news in all of this is that God never leaves us to struggle through life on our own. He meets us where we are. Sometimes I get overwhelmed at all my imperfections and how short I fall of the person I know God wants me to be, but I know by His grace, that I don't have to stay the same. He makes beautiful things... even out of ashes, oh and pregnant women with heartburn. :-)