Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day 16 - Potty-Training & Tax Season

Being a mom is soooooo glamorous. It's tough to say what makes it so. I'd say it's a toss-up between being constantly slimed with food and cleaning the pee off the wall from your son's newly-found weapon. Someone told me to put cheerios in the toilet to help him aim. No dice. Amusing, however.

When I started this blog, I desperately needed something to occupy my time. Now, I'm finding that I just need... TIME! It's tax season, and I got thrown in the water and I'm trying not to drown! I even feel almost a little guilty writing right now, because there are three mounds of papers on my desk that are screaming for my attention!

It's funny, because when I started this blog, I imagined so much! I titled it "A Single Mom's 30 day Journey to Rediscovering God", but it's been more like "A Single Mom's Journey to Discovering She is not Superwoman...Dangit!". I was so hopeful. I've learned a lot about my shortcomings through this process, and I've also learned a lot about God's grace. One thing that I've learned more than anything is that days add up really quickly. Time really does fly. All of a sudden months have gone by and those things we keep meaning to do just slip through the cracks.

I'm really worn out today. What's new? It seems like there are too many things left on my "to-do" list that just didn't get checked off, and then I feel like I have to "check-off" my time with God. I laughed when I read the title for the daily reading in My Utmost for His Highest : "Are you fresh for everything?" It amazes me how profound Oswald Chambers can be in so few words.

Freshness does not come from obedience but from the Holy Spirit; obedience keeps us in the light as God is in the light. Guard jealously your relationship to God. Keep all the life perennially open to Jesus Christ, don't pretend with Him. Are you drawing your life from any other source than God Himself? If you are depending upon anything but Him, you will never know when He is gone. Being born of the Spirit means much more than we generally take it to mean. It gives us a new vision and keeps us absolutely fresh for everything by the perennial supply of the life of God.

Wow. I don't know about you, but I need some of that freshness. I'm glad I can just ask for it. Maybe it will help with the pee smell too. :-)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Day 15 - Bible Bites

I would be disappointed in myself for going an entire week without posting a blog entry...but the fact that I survived this week was a feat in itself! I spent most of the week trying to adjust to working a lot more hours than I am used to. I was surprised to be reminded that I function so much more efficiently when I have no choice!

The week did take it's toll though. I spent most of the day today in bed after working on my feet for 8 hours last night with a fever. And, just so everyone knows that I really was sick, Macy's started their going out of business sale today, and I didn't even go! Clearance sales almost make me hyperventilate with excitement. I would probably buy just about anything when it's 60% off, plus an additional 25% off, plus a $10 off coupon!

Oddly enough, I still ended up being very productive today. I guess that's one of the benefits of working from home on a computer. It doesn't take a whole lot of energy, and I can wear my pajamas and leave my hair "scary", as my son would say. The only thing that I found disappointing this week was that I felt a little distant from God.

I was driving through Loose Caboose the other day for some coffee, because as usual, I felt that it was necessary to have caffeine to make up for my lack of sleep. I feel like that almost every day.(Loose Caboose knows my order when I pull up) Sleep is something I don't like to give up. If being in shape meant I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. to exercise, I probably wouldn't be in shape. If I had to get up at 4 a.m. to work, I'd probably end up getting fired. Sleep is a precious commodity as a parent. I guess that's why it seems so challenging to ever have any "quiet time" as a single mom. The only time it's quiet is when they are sleeping, and then I want to sleep too!

I was reading a book written to mothers of preschoolers, and it encouraged parents to take "Bible bites". It was such a great word picture for me because I love to snack. In fact, anything that gets left out gets eaten. I certainly prescribe to the "see-food diet". Anyway, it made me realize that it's not impossible to spend little bits of time with God throughout the day. It doesn't have to be at 5 a.m. before the kids wake up or for hours after they go to bed. I really just want to work on being more aware of God's presence throughout my day. Maybe I can trade my facebook time to have a little Bible bite! Snack away!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Day 14 - Skinny Jeans are an Oxymoron

Well, I just have "jock thighs". I've come to appreciate them over the years, but I do still have bad days. It's one thing when I'm at the gym and the squat rack is loaded with 45s and I ask the guy if I can work in. It earns me a little respect. It's another thing when I'm hopping on one leg in the TJ Maxx dressing room trying to figure out how to get off the suctioned lycra blend that seems to be clinging to my ankles like a boa constrictor. I need to find some music to type this blog too..."My humps" maybe? (Btw...I settled on "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamikawiwo'ole. Try saying that 5 times fast!)

Anyway, it's January and the gym is about to be overwhelmed with best-intentioned resolutioners. One of my friends posted on her facebook page today that she couldn't wait until everyone broke their resolution so she could get back to her own routine! LOL. I know how you feel- It gets so crowded! Even with the crowds, working out is great, and it's a wonderful outlet for me, but I haven't always been content with my body, and I still struggle with it occasionally. This morning in church the pastor talked about making resolutions this year that weren't "us-focused". It made me realize that a lot of the time I am too "me-focused".

I would really love to resolve to lose 10 pounds. It's not something I need to do for my health or anything, it's just vanity. Earlier, as I was trying to shimmy into my skinny jeans, I started laughing at the irony of what I was doing. I have always hated skinny jeans, but it's THE FAD! It's worn down on me so much that I caved and started shopping for some. I'll admit that I own a pair, but you will NEVER see me walking around in them without boots up to my knees (see jock thighs). Why do we run around trying to be thinner, more attractive, more in-style? I've been learning that it's really the heart of the matter that counts. I don't think there's anything wrong with being healthy or dressing attractively. But what is driving the resolution we're chasing? Is it too "me-focused"?

I feel like I'm starting to tune out anything anyone says about resolutions because it gets so old hearing about them. We all know only a very small percentage of people keep them anyway, right? Someone in church this morning gave me a great idea. I remember listening to a pastor last year say that every year he simply resolves to be more like Jesus. I like the idea of that because it seems a lot more likely that God can change me than that I will do it of my own determination. I decided that on the blank days of the beginning of my calendar, I'm going to write down a couple of areas that need work in my life. That way, at the end of the year I can look back and see how God has helped me grow. One of the things I've already written down is that I am going to do whatever I have to to make sure I tithe on all of my income. I'm excited to see God work.

Tomorrow when I'm at the gym, I'm can smile at the crowds. I'm going to keep my resolution, because it isn't "me-focused", and the Big Man is on my side! ;-) " After all, if God is for us, who can be against us?