It's midnight. I should probably be sleeping, but I decided to read my Bible before I went to sleep, and the reading for today just so happened to be one of my favorite chapters - Psalm 139. I started thinking of a song written about Psalm 139 that I knew in high school, so I had to get up and try to find it on iTunes. Once I found it, and listened to the words, I wanted to share it.
I've realized over the last few weeks that my audience does not consist solely of single moms, or even those with children, or even people that firmly believe in God. It's been tough for me at times to be so transparent with my life knowing that it may solicit criticism, disagreement, or even just awkwardness. I have to say, that even despite that knowledge, I want to keep writing and sharing what I am learning. Just because I believe in God certainly doesn't mean I have it all figured out. After acknowledging that I didn't have it all figured out, it made all the difference in the world, however, to know that I didn't have to have it all together. Listening to the song I downloaded reminded me why I believe what I do. At the end of the day, I think in the deepest part of our being, we all want to be loved unconditionally. It's what we all chase whether we recognize it or not. It was a wonderful feeling tonight to find what I search for on a daily basis. This interpretation of Psalm 139 says it so well:
You've searched me, you know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
to hide myself from you
You know my thoughts, my fears & hurts
My weaknesses & pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though you know
You will always love me
Even though you know
You'll never let me go
I don't deserve your love
But you give it freely
You will always love me
even though you know
Having someone on this earth to love and go through life with is a wonderful thing, but there is nothing that can ever compare to knowing that you are loved - no mater what. Period. I initially titled this blog "Try, try again" because I feel like I've been failing so much. I even started the last post that I lost with a "report card" of how I have been doing. I am so thankful that life doesn't depend on my ability to be perfect, because I would never even get in the same universe as that standard.
I can go to bed tonight knowing that despite all the mistakes I have made in my life and all the times I've failed to do the right thing, I am loved. No mater what. Period. What an amazing thing!
"Lord, just like it says in the psalm - How precious to me are your thoughts O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them they would outnumber the grains of sand. It amazes me that you love me - even with all my flaws. Thank you."
For reference: www.gotquestions.org/agape-love.html
If you want to hear the song I downloaded, run a search in iTunes for Psalm 139. It is the 3rd most popular song by Rebecca St. James
Another AMAZING song on this topic is called Child of God by Vineyard UK. I highly recommend downloading it.