This week has been financially frustrating. Well, it's been frustrating period, but specifically in the area of money. First of all, I still haven't slept well in days. Just when my kids started to get healthy, I got sick, and then it was off to work feeling like garbage. Some days just feel like hiking up hill with a 50 pound weight strapped to your back.
I have to say that for the last few years, money hasn't been too big of a stress factor for me. It's not like I have a lot of it, but I live pretty simply, don't have any debt, and have a job that covers the bills. Making the transition to running my own business has changed that in a lot of ways. This Christmas the boys had plenty of presents thanks to extended family, but we didn't really exchange gifts with anyone else. I didn't even really mind. It wasn't until this last week that the financial situation has started to feel a little overwhelming.
First on the list is the fact that I never got to see my immediate family at Christmas. This was the first year I haven't been with my siblings & mom and dad for a Christmas celebration. I figured we'd use a free ticket I had to fly out in January instead. Then, everything just fell apart. My free ticket wasn't available for use, and all my plans started to fall through. I could still go, I just have to come up with $900 to fly out of Spokane. Sweet.
Then, there is the digital camera. I have been salivating over it for years. Every Christmas, Costco marks it down a couple hundred dollars. And, every year, there have been other things the money I had needed to go toward. Photography has always been a love of mine. I've worked in a portrait studio, taken photography classes, developed my own film, learned photoshop...I just don't have the camera. It sounds silly, but it's a dream I have, and I felt like I had to lay "my Isaac" on the altar this week, and let it go.
On top of everything, I felt God prompting me to give above and beyond what I normally do on Sundays. He just told me to give everything. Everything? Yep. Everything I had in my wallet - which was a good chunk! (I make tips & get paid in cash!) Ugh. I was happy to give, but it just didn't make sense in light of everything that was going on.
I guess it's another part of what God is teaching me. We live so richly in this country. Do I really need a Canon Rebel XSi SLR 12 megapixel camera with live video capabilities? Okay, maybe not, but I do know that I serve a God that knows everything, that has promised to ALWAYS provide, and who cares about even the little things that concern me. I had to remind myself of that today as I am trying to let go and trust Him with my future and my finances.
Sorry, P. Diddy, it's NOT all about the Benjamins!